How To Tell If It's True Love
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True Love, Lust, Or Friendship?
So, you feel that swelling in your heart. The kind that makes you want to write poetry and beautiful music. You have the crazy indescribable urge to broadcast to the world that you're in love and make frequent references to friends and colleagues about the object of your affection. You are on a delicious, delirious high and feel that nothing can bring you down now that you have finally found 'The One'.
But is it genuine true love that you have stumbled across or an insidious impostor? One that leaves a trail of broken hearts and broken promises everywhere. History is replete with stories of unconditional love that reached almost to the heights of heaven itself. Couples who were bonded so closely that nothing could come between them. Unfortunately for every one of those tales there are literally thousands more which end in sorrow and despair. Most of the time the pain that results from a relationship ending has more to do with our own unrealised fantasies and lost hope than it has to do with our choice of mate. There are notable exceptions to this of course.
The difficulty lies in trying to maintain a realistic view of our partner and the relationship while our hormones and their rush of 'love endorphins' undermines our every turn. The phrase "Love is Blind" was coined for a reason.
Lust and The Honeymoon Period
By now the term 'honeymooon period' has become a mainstream label for the beginning of a relationship. It is the time when your significant other can do no wrong. They are perfect in every way, held aloft on a mighty pedestal where every day you go to worship at the beauty of their creation. This is the most dangerous time when errors in judgement can be profound and long lasting. During this period (even with the sudden rush of love hormones) our intuition will tell us when something is not quite right. The problem is for most of us we choose not to listen.
Compatibility issues can surface almost immediately and we should be thinking long and hard about whether these are things we can live with for the long term or whether this person really is the dream mate we have envisioned. It is the overwhelming passion of the 'honeymoon period' that has many people mistaking lust for love. A lot of 'I do's' have been said out of lust and pure physical attraction and when the endorphins die down there is no foundation left from which a life together can be built.
Friendship And The Desire To Couple
Many people have envisioned a life spent with a close friend. These romantic friendships sometimes involve sex and sometimes they do not but one thing they all have in common is the desire for closeness. It usually starts when two people find that they are surprisingly similar. They begin to hang out all of the time and feel truly comfortable in each others presence. They are able to communicate freely and trust implicitly. It is easy to mistake such a wonderful bond as true love, however, there are usually key elements, such as passion, which are missing. Both parties soon talk themselves into believing that they would make a good couple just because they are such great friends. This rarely turns out to be true. It is usually our feelings of loneliness that have us running for the arms of a friend. Unfortunately, without those intangible extras that exist when romantic love is truly present, the relationship often falters. And more heartbreaking is the fact that afterwards the friendship rarely survives either.
So What Is True Love?
Thich Nhat Hanh, a world renowned Buddhist monk who was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, describes true love as having four elements:
Lovingkindness, compassion, joy and freedom.
But what does this mean in terms of your own relationship?
Lovingkindness
When you truly love someone you embrace them for who they are this very minute. You do not have fantasies about what you believe they could evolve into. You accept their shortcomings and foibles and sometimes love them all the more because of it. You have the desire to create happiness for them and through your actions are able to bring about lasting joy in their lives. This requires a deep level of understanding with regards to your mates wishes. Many people have done things with the intent to build a better life for their partners only to find out that their actions caused more pain and suffering to occur. The resultant argument usually starts with the sentence "You just don't understand" or "You never listen." True love always listens!
This doesn't mean you will never have an argument. How boring would life be if we all agreed on everything. But there is a distinct difference between a disagreement which eventually brings two people closer together and a situation where one or both people feel alienated and deeply hurt.
Compassion
When your love is pure your primary intention is to remove the pain and suffering that has plagued your partner throughout their lives. We all come into relationships with baggage, past failures and disappointments, that can overwhelm the present if we let it. Being able to help heal the old wounds of your beloved is what compassion is all about. If you truly love someone you cannot stand to see them suffer. Helping them to overcome their hurt and fear in a compassionate way establishes trust. One of the foundations of a strong and long lasting relationship.
Joy
Every day you should feel absolute joy when you wake up next to your beloved. Obviously there will be times when difficulties arise. The universe throws curve balls at us all the time that we have to find a way to deal with. But even through those dark times you should feel grateful that your partner is by your side. They should be able to make you laugh when all you want to do is cry. They should be able to hold you even when they have made you mad. There should be laughter and light not tears and darkness. You should never feel alone and unhappy within your relationship.
Freedom
Freedom is an essential element for love. You have to have the freedom to be yourself and express your true desires. You have to be able to confidently give your partner all the space and freedom they need to live a fulfilling life. If you become angry or upset because your mate wants to spend time alone or with friends, or if you become jealous over the passion they have for their work or hobby then this is called selfish love. You are more concerned with your own desires than allowing them the freedom to truly shine within themselves. We all need things outside of a relationship to make us complete human beings. If we do not have access to those things we begin to wither inside. When you have truly found 'The One' you will feel a sense of freedom that has previously been missing in past relationships.
What True Love Isn't
True love is never associated with violence, deception, abuse (emotional, physical or verbal), constant sacrifice for the good of only one person, jealousy, fear or mistrust.
"True love always waits." And is patient, caring, kind, joyous and free!
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Wow, Thank you Earth Angel. You really know how to make a person feel good inside!
Great hub RFox. :-) What a joy it is to experience true love in our lives...when we experience loving kindness, compassion, joy and freedom, we are so blessed!
Thank you Ripplemaker. Yes, true love is magnificient. I spent my youth watching my Grandparents who were lucky enough to have such a rare connection. My Grandfather proposed to my Grandmother after just 3 weeks and they were madly in love till she passed away at 89. When my Grandmother died my Grandfather stated that he had no reason to go on living as she was his life. A year later he was gone too.
They certainly didn't have an easy life. There were many major difficulties they had to face but through it all they loved and respected one another. Their example showed me what love truly is and to see that closeness changes you forever! We should all be so lucky.
What a blessed coincidence, RFox. I too have witness the beautiful marriage of my grandparents who have passed away already too. Thanks for sharing. I believe we have been touched and moved to love like they do.
Hi RF, I'm reading Eckhart Tolle's new book, A New Earth and relating it to how to find true love, and what I call your irresistible definition of true love. Where we move beyond our past and into our true selves and find our first true love overselve.
I love what Thich Nhat Hanh says about true love. Thich Nhat Hanh and Eckhart Tolle are in the same camp.
RFox, these are great sentiments.
Unconditional love does, indeed, have that wonderful sense of freedom to it.
I'm a bit nervous about using terms like "The One", though, because it tends to make people think there is one special person out there, and if things are difficult with their current partner it must be because they are "not The One".
I would be comfortable with "A One", or "One" - I even refer to people as "One of my Ones"!
There will probably be more than one One.
Because Love is not Sex, and even celibate people have Ones, if they are truly open to unconditional love.
Inspirepub: Good point about 'the one'. Some people do have more than one true love in their lives. I used that term simply because it's what people tend to say, that's why it's in quotation marks. But I see how that could be misconstrued. I think I will re-write when I have the time. And I also wanted to add that true love doesn't mean you won't go through difficult times. It's how you deal with difficulty that determines what kind of relaitonship you're in. Need to add that too.
And good point about celibacy!
You always have great comments to make and I appreciate the feedback. :)
Coach Colleen: I haven't read Eckhart Tolle's new book but I think I will now. Thanks for the suggestion! And your comments.
Beautiful sentiments about love.
Angela Harris: Thank you for you comments.
Your hub is very well written and inspiring. those r great qualities that you describe, qualities that have been quite scarce for me in my marriage.
: (
Mommagus: That's sad to hear. Although it's never too late to change your life or the way you are with your Husband. I married way too young, before I knew who I was or what I wanted out of life, and then divorced 5 years later.
Now I finally know who I am and what kind of relationship I want. My boyfriend and I just made the decision to move in together and our relationship is completely different from any I have experienced before. There is total respect and unconditional love and neither one of us could ever hurt the other intentionally, not even in words. We support each other and forgive the other if we're tired or grumpy (as we all get from time to time.)
It took me a long time of being by myself and experiencing life to realise how to create a wonderful relationship. Just believe me when I say it's never too late to alter your life for the better. No matter what the circumstances.
My thoughts are with you and I truly hope you find happiness. :)
Great hub RFox. Those things filtered through my head and I totally understand what your talking about.
I got married under false conditions and we suffered or suffer according to our actions, eventually I ended up not caring because lack of "freedom", stupid words, inability to communicate, selfish love and his desire to change me instead of accept me set us miles apart, enough to know that we were never compatable people but got caught up in lust that resulted in fantacies and ended up with a child in a loveless marriage.
But like you Rfox, I grew into myself and what I want and need, fully realizing my vulnerabilities and capabilities. Next time I need to grow or change together in life but burgeorn in spirit in love.
much love RFox always!
Sandy: thanks for the thoughtful comments and I send that love right back!
Realizing our vulnerabilities and capabilities is the biggest step towards true freedom and love in life I think. It's great to see you've grown out of a difficult situation keeping love still in your heart. This is the hardest part of life, I feel, preventing yourself from becoming tainted and bitter because of poor choices.
Seeing how much spirit and openess you still have towards life is inspiring! :D
I think that these are things we all "know" on some level, but sometimes we need it spelled out for us.
So, thanks for spelling it out and being an inspiration to me today.
It's stated that it is difficult to find a good relationship because you need to resist the love endorphins. We do not have this problem with our close friends. With our close friends we have lovingkindness, compassion, joy and freedom. However, a relationship with a close friend without romantic love would be a sad relationship. So how about a close friend whom you have romantic love with. Of course, feeling romantic love is difficult. So how about we focus on what really matters? Making it easier to fall in romantic love with a person.
This is beautiful. I have been blessed enough to see a few of my friends be in relationships as you describe where true love is just beeming out of them. It warms my heart to be around them. I am experiencing it for myself now and it's an incredible feeling. You write very well. I love the way you describe it, it's like you're in my heart and I could never have worded it as well as you did. It makes me even more confident that what I am feeling is definitely true love. Thank you for sharing.
Mary: Thank you for sharing and commenting! That's wonderful you have such love in your life. It really does change everything. :D
Your passion for writing truly and beautifully shines through in this hub. I was very encouraged an impacted by this imparticular one. Thank you for your words. I was extremely touched. Blessings in your passion, may you continue to excel!
hey u r cool n u opened my eyes...danke..u know i feel wow,,great n speechless when i read ur hub,,its cool..n i was so shocked when u said 'bout write poetry n beautiful musics'... I DID!! im not lying,,i did... i started to write these things after i met this guy..he is far from me..n to be honest,,i never force myself to fall in love with him,,it just like that,,n i care bout him..he made my day n by this seconds,,i dont know what to say bout him,,unspeakable..writeless...i just want to know who is he in my life..i confess i like him n when i read ur hub,,i believe he is THE ONE for me..but whats the other signs if he is really THE ONE for me?? thanks..
nice hub, true love is also sacrifice.
nice hub...great job done....you have explained it very nicely....i have enjoyed reading it.thanx for sharing it....
Hello, I have a question for the ladies if there are any on this. I am a 50 year old male that lived for 20 years in a very emotionally hard marriage. I will be the first to admit that I wasn't perfect but I tried extemely hard to make it work and I NEVER lied or cheated. She cheated on me at least 4 times that I'm aware of, she had sex with 3, thought she was pregnant by 1, lived with 1 for the year we separated till finally 10 years ago I left her. Our children were 18, 13 and 9 all boys. I took the 2 younger 1's as she didn't want anything to do with them. The youngest turned 18 last Sept and has moved out. It has now been 10 plus years since I have been with a woman either physically or mentally as I'm scared to death of going through the hurt again. I don't know how to put this in words but here goes. I have been having these very strong feelings for this girl for the past 4 years. I cannot describe these emotions except to say that when she's around I feel that nothing life puts in my way matters. After some very serious contemplation I've concluded 2 things 1st that if I'm not in-love with her it's a close facsimily and 2nd I can never tell her as it would add confusion to her life that she doesn't need. I know she cares about me as she's always asking me to go places with her but I don't know if she can care for me the way I would like. She is everything I admire in a woman but here in lays the problem, she's 25 yrs my junior. I know that is quite an age difference but in my experience I've met 20 yr olds that are more mature than 50 yr olds and vice versa. I put these emotions down to loliness, midlife, rebound [even though it was 6 yrs] and I even moved away for a yr hoping the feelings would go away but to no avail. I am not a wealthy man so I can't give her many material things all I can give her is honesty, loyalty and Love. Considering the age difference that probably won't be enough. Logic tells me that I should never tell her how I feel and be there for her whenever she needs me and hope with more time these emotions will go away. My heart however tells me a different story but is unsure of what to do. No I don't call her all the time or park outside her home or work and except for her texting or calling me we don't have any contact other than when I see her when she asks me to go somewhere or she comes to visit which is a couple times a month. Which brings me to the question, what do I do? Do I ignore these feelings and hope they go away?
It sounds very interesting! I enjoy reading it. True LOVE never selfish! What is you opinion, some says Love is blind and other says not blind?
I was married for 21 yrs, then divorced because it was a "loveless" marriage, Nothing in common, and stayed with her because of the kids, BAD MOVE!, although I have NO regrets because if things didnt go down the way they did, how they did, and when they did I wouldnt have met the true love of my life, Tracey, who to was also in a loveless marriage for 17 years.
Age gives us experience, experience gives us knowledge, experience and knowledge together gives us Wisdom, the wisdom to know right from wrong, good from evil, and maturity to admit when we are wrong and not to gloat when we are right, I believe you DO have to be best friends to TRUELY have a marriage that lasts for eternity, I would have to say that against all odds, Tracey and I have actually grown closer through a lot of adversity, I think the more you have in common with your mate increases the odds of your relationship surviving exponentially!!! True Love requires alot. Understanding, patience, compassion, selflessness, thoughtfulness, courage ethics, morals, and a devotion towards each other that is endless. a good relationship requires a lot of work, but a work that you like to do because the other person is worth more than ANYTHING!!! and that they feel EXACTLY the way you do.
I thought I was destined to a life of loneliness when I divorced, I dated a lot of women, most lasted one date, two of them lasted a couple weeks, but after about a week with Tracey, I already pretty much knew she was the one, I don't THINK shes the one, I KNOW shes the one!!! I can honestly say she is my best friend and confidant, and look forward to spending the rest of my life with her, because together, we make life fun again!!! Good luck to all of you out there, I wish you the best!!!
i WROTE THE ABOVE
I was married for 21 yrs, then divorced because it was a "loveless" marriage, Nothing in common, and stayed with her because of the kids, BAD MOVE!, although I have NO regrets because if things didnt go down the way they did, how they did, and when they did I wouldnt have met the true love of my life, Tracey, who to was also in a loveless marriage for 17 years.
Age gives us experience, experience gives us knowledge, experience and knowledge together gives us Wisdom, the wisdom to know right from wrong, good from evil, and maturity to admit when we are wrong and not to gloat when we are right, I believe you DO have to be best friends to TRUELY have a marriage that lasts for eternity, I would have to say that against all odds, Tracey and I have actually grown closer through a lot of adversity, I think the more you have in common with your mate increases the odds of your relationship surviving exponentially!!! True Love requires alot. Understanding, patience, compassion, selflessness, thoughtfulness, courage ethics, morals, and a devotion towards each other that is endless. a good relationship requires a lot of work, but a work that you like to do because the other person is worth more than ANYTHING!!! and that they feel EXACTLY the way you do.
I thought I was destined to a life of loneliness when I divorced, I dated a lot of women, most lasted one date, two of them lasted a couple weeks, but after about a week with Tracey, I already pretty much knew she was the one, I don't THINK shes the one, I KNOW shes the one!!! I can honestly say she is my best friend and confidant, and look forward to spending the rest of my life with her, because together, we make life fun again!!! Good luck to all of you out there, I wish you the best!!!
To Madmac: That's a tough situation to be in and what you do entirely depends on the kind of woman your twenty-something is.
There are women for whom age does not matter, however, she could also see you as a kind of father figure and not a potential lover.
It is obvious that if she is texting you and asking you to go places with her that she genuinely enjoys your company. Maybe patience is in order.
Hold off making any decisions and just let the friendship blossom. If she is interested in you romantically then eventually her feelings will show. She will give you signs and may say it outright. I think given your position it would be best to let her take the lead and in the meantime enjoy her company and friendship.
There's no need to rush into making any decisions. Just go with the flow and if she does have romantic feelings for you like you do for her then don't let any age stereotypes get in your way.
If she is 25 then she is an adult and your age isn't that important.
Just my thoughts....
For Chillingbreeze: I think love in the beginning is always blind. We do not see our partners as they truly are during the honeymoon phase of a relationship. It is only much later that the blindfold comes off and we see our lover in an accurate light. It is usally at this point when most couples either break up or choose to be together forever.
That's what true love is: Seeing your mate with the blindfold off and loving them all the same. It's not an easy thing for a lot of people.
For JoeCool45: Truer words were never spoken. Excellent comment and congrats on finding your true love!
Thanks for commenting everyone!
Simply wonderful!
It's is great, I would also know the signs to look for when finding someone special.
wow.. i find this so imspiring and yet it fills me with saddness. almost all of these things apply to me in my marriage. i love my husband more than anything, its indescribable how much i love hi, and yet it saddens me because he doesnt return the same qualities. breaks my heart how much life is finally hitting me and how late.
I am in love with my girl. We met online. It has evolved into such a beautiful relationship. We are from two different countries, two different cultures. She came to my place and gosh... we just connected so well. It is such a perfect connection, a perfect love. We do have our own share of disagreements, problems etc but you know what? I love her. I will always do. I just hope this love doesnt end cos I know, I will always love her, no matter what. I breathe her. :) This is eternal and this will go through any storm or fire and we will still stick to each other like crazy. :)
Yea, true love is beautiful, even through the pain, the suffering not just during happy times.
I see in her a majestic princess in all her glory, a understanding and best friend, an amazingly & lavishly beautiful girlfriend, a wild and passionate lover, a loving and caring mother. I see in her all my dreams fulfilled and I see in her my inspiration, my source of strength, joy and security! I cant bear to see a tear drop in her eye. Shes truly my angel! :)
I love her in her times of weakness more than in her strength; I love her when shes angry more than when shes laughing; I love her more in her pain than in her joy; I love her more when she nags me and irritates me than when she pleasures me. Hmm... crazy me.. but.. I will always love her, as she is... My sweet sweet baby!!! :) Forever, eternal!!!
First of all, being a writer myself, I can't tell you how much I enjoyed what you wrote about love. :)
On another note though, I need some guidance... I have been with my boyfriend for three years off and on. Lots of it has been good, but there have definitely been bad fights and breakups. Although, I think a lot of the fights had to do with communication and maturity issues. I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me just as much, if not more. He treats me wonderful and takes care of me. He always says I'm the girl he's going to marry and our life will be perfect together. We are planning on moving in when he graduates college this year and it’s a big step for the both of us.
I worry a lot though. We are complete polar opposites. I am an artist, he is an engineer. My life is centered around music while his is not. He is logical and I am emotional. He is a clean cut professional while I am more free spirited and spontaneous. I question everyday if he really is the person for me. Can such differences keep us apart? I feel sometimes that I wish he were different, but the love that I feel is indescribable. I could never imagine living a day without him. I am so confused and just wonder what this means. Any ideas?
Oh my! I love Thich Nhat Hanh - I just finished writing my hub on a similar topic - I almost drew the points you covered from his beautiful book on the subject but instead talked about Scott Peck! I'm so glad I didn't! Kartika
Beautiful! :) Thank you.
its such a beautiful article....its been 2yrs since i broke up wit t guy whom i thought was t one..i loved him so much,..he was my best friend n he said he loved me romantically n even did many things which made me feel that he cared...but he never really committed to me,which that i thought was because he was shy.we had on n off relationship,n every time he wud come back to me...but everytime he wont commit,.until i had enough n walked out..i now think i was so blinded in wat i thought was love that i ended wit a broken heart,which hurts n feels betrayed even now,...how can u be madly 'in love' wit someone n still not commit to em?i always thought being in love in itself is a commitment..but he thought otherwise..in fact i had even lost hope on anythin called true love..but readin this article n all t wonderful comments,i feel may be i still have a chance..just may be i will find my one,m 24 i think i have time...i will find him,...wont i?
This article is lovely. I dated 7 guys now, and guy 7 always seemed to be the one for me. After reading this, it eplains me and him perfectly. Not only are we best friends but we care about each other. We support each other when either of us are hurting, we laugh together, we cry together (if we ever did cry anyways but so far nothing sad has happened yet). If one of us is upset by something, the other cheers up or listens to the problem and talks it out.
Anyways it's 1:30 am so I am going to bed now.
Great article and the posts following offer great insight also. Thank you!
Hi there, I am a very confussed 25 year old women. I have been with a guy for almost 3 years and I know he really loves me. He is the most mature, knowing, gental and funny guy i have ever known and he knows me inside out. The comments about SHOULD be explaining how we feel, The problem is that ive never been certain that i have been in love with him. Everything is right about him - I just don't have that catching of breath or warm fuzzy feeling that I wish I had, I don't feel any huge emotion at all - sometimes a kind of flattness - but i don;t know if i'm just not opening up enough to it or giving myself a chance? I don't want to end up hurting him, because I care about him too much. Im I in love?
This article was eye-opening. Yesterday, my boyfriend told me that he loved me, but I had no idea what to say because all I had was this feeling I couldn't describe. He is my rock, and no matter what we argue about we always work it out within a couple hours. We've both had some hard knocks, but I have never been able to define the feelings I had for him, since I have never experienced anything like it. Now I can proudly say I love you to him, and there is noone that I'd rather spend my life with than him.
Thank you RFox for posting this. I am quite young (17) but I know I have true love with my boyfriend. I had a bad relationship recently with someone else and he had the selfish love for me... always wanting me to do things i didn't want to do and not caring about how I felt about it.. then he cheated so many times and I just couldn't trust him at all...
Now I'm with someone who truly completes me and I've never been happier. :) We are best friends and his whole family has accepted me as one of them (my family doesn't know i'm with him because i'm not supposed to be dating)and I love them all so much.
He makes me feel special and always asks before he does anything.. that included our first kiss. I trust him 100% as well... :) I love him and I thank you for this post because you helped me realize that even though everyone is telling me I'm too young to understand love, I do. ?
This some what helped. I'm still in high school and people tell me I can't be in love. When I first thought I was in love it was a thought, but this person it's a knowing. I know I'm in love. But I'm not forsure if he is. We don't get to see each other a lot so that is why we broke up. He has been dating around but clams he still loves me and wants to marry me one day. What should I do, wait or move on? Please help me.
You broke up because you dont see eachother ? I am also in highschool & In my own personal experience , my boyfriend and i have been in an ongoing relationship for the past 6 months & havent seen eachother at all . We speak over the phone internet etc , but i believe if there is a true loving bond there between two people that not even distance can get in the way of the feelings and connection you both share . If he says he wants to marry you , isnt it logical for he and you to still be together despite seperation ? Just saying .
this is great!
All I can say is I'm in love and I have waited but all I can say is in true love time should build a relationship not just to see who can go the longest it is all about if can make it grow and almost make it consume us
I love my girl (my knight) inside joke
I am the man for her
guys, chek out da website www.true-love-relationship-advice.com. It is a jewel of a website among da rubble (othr websites). Its written by a married man who is also a devout christian. He tells in detail hw 2 find da true love of ur life. Do chek it out.
Wonderful hub.
itss jst awesum yrr... really ...reading it gave a lot off relaxment..n mah trust on hm... hass increased to d sky...dat he loves me a lot/n even i..
I fell in love while i was in high school bout 6yrs ago.there used to be dis chemistry between us but we never admitted it.true love let go
i'm not sure whats going on, being confused like this, feeling guilty? i've been in love with a guy for ages, now we're finally dating, now i don't think i feel the same way as i used to about hm, i still want to love him and be with him, but my best friend (who is also a guy) told me he also loves me, now i think i love him back, im so guilty and confused and i want to be with my boyfriend but i feel this huge surge of love and emotion every time i talk to my best friend, and every time i see him, my heart beats faster.. theres no way to stop love, but now im just unsure on who i DO love.... help...please... anyone, just give me advice, i need it!!
IT'S very useful.
i like very much
fantastic hub :)
Beautiful. Thank you. I feel like there should always be food for the relationship also. When I say "food" I mean moments that make you both grow. You take a jump together- i feel that establishes trust.
Never would I have imagined that I would be visiting this hub today or at any time in my life. I have always been a very intellectual and gifted person and had many successes in my professional life. Unfortunately, my heart has not been as smart.
Over the years and by choice, I have only committed to about 3-4 long term relationships. Each (in it’s time) had my fullest interest, devotion and commitment. These same relationships ended suddenly when I discovered that my choices were bad ones. In one form or another, I ended up
on the receiving end of some type of deception. My coping mechanism has always been to assume all of the blame by convincing myself it was all about my own bad choices.
All of these specific experiences hurt me to the core and took much time to recover from. Fortunately, it has not caused me to carry bitterness throughout my life and to the present time.
It has been about 7 years since my last serious relationship since I am so scared of hurting myself once again. I am a very content and happy person and I love everybody I come in contact with. I have countless friends and projects that keep my attention away from the losses in my heart.
I had managed to find happiness even with an empty heart inside.
Just recently, an exceptional woman has come into my life and it is everything I can do to control the emotions that she has stirred inside me. I am scared to death of feeling so good again after so long. I want so bad to control my emotions for her but I cannot. She stimulates every sense imaginable, even some senses I was unaware of.
I am a very rational man and very tuned in to all of my emotional warning signs as they surface but the feelings for her take all control over my defenses. I have fallen in love and I am helpless. I couldn’t stop these feelings if I wanted to…and I don’t. I have never felt so attracted to someone on the inside in my lifetime. I am attracted to everything there is about her. She is so intelligent, so bright and so elegant. She is kind, playful and very alluring. There is not a moment I am not impressed with her. She is so beautiful in my eyes and needless to say…very sexy to me.
We get along grandly, always happy together, and it is very comfortable in each other presence. There is a very special chemistry that we share.
Just this weekend, I let her know that I already loved her very much and how hard I was falling for her. I know better than anyone here to hold back from saying so this early, but I express myself very easily to everyone and I felt the obligation to warn her. Thankfully my expressions were received warmly. In fact, she has said some same to me.
We live about an hour apart and that governs our ability to see each other more than about once a week if our individual schedules permit at that. She is so special to me that I miss her terribly. One might think this is a sort of infatuation stage but it is actually something I see as continuous. It would take longer time than I have on this Earth to satisfy my interest in her. The way she has treated me in this short time, has earned every thread of my respect.
In case anyone who happens upon my rambling could advise me, I would like to receive some input on how to maintain control over my emotions inside. I am even experiencing random murmurs from my heart where is it misfiring at times. These murmurs are completely involuntary but certainly from a awaking of truly honored and respected Love.
Is love really blind or is it unconditional? How is one to know the proper dosage to another? Do I run or do I jump?
Is it really okay to fall in love again? Is this normal? Why did I write this?
Please someone, say something smart to me.
Thank you for listening…whoever you are……….
When we speak of the honeymoon period exactly how long is that to last?
I met my current bf years ago but we just currently began dating. When we met we hung out briefly and went in different directions in life. I was involved with someone and he didn't live in town. No, I did not cheat.
Recently, after numerous years we reconnected and We both felt this instant connenction. We decided to see where things will go and we are working on it slowly.
On my part, I feel everything in the HUb about true love and I have a suspecion he feels the same. We agree on taking things slow so there are no expectations.
I have never been a believer of love at first sight but every ounce in my body says He's The One. We have had our differences and we overcame them. We have only been together for a few months now but I believe it is true love.
Interesting article, vague article, most people will feel good reading it and will have little clue on how to actually get there after they assume that it is the true definition of true love.
Before I define true love, I am going to be the bearer of bad news. True love is not for everybody. It takes a really evolved human being in terms of relationships area to hope to get there. Most of us are not there and will never get there.
True love doesn't have the primary intention of getting the other partner get rid of pain and suffering. People in true love associate in a way that pain and suffering of the past starts to reset as time is spent (frame of mind changes) with each other. All in all two words about true love are "Unconditional Acceptance". Once that is achieved everything else falls in place.
God
A great hub..Lovingkindness, compassion, joy and freedom.
You need freedom to begin with..then after you learn loving kindness and compassion, there is joy..great joy..
Only a free being can truly love another for only a free being can love unconditionally.
I love this so so much,And I would like to share my story.... I am 21 and my boyfriend is 19. He means the world to me. We have known each other for as long as I can remember, grew up together if you will. Our families were best friends when they were growing up... I moved around so much, we eventually lost touch. Upon moving back to where I live now, he just happened to call one day. I was so excited! I had a boyfriend at the time but kept wondering, I didnt feel right carying out a relationship with someone when I constantly thought of someone else. Eventually we decided to see where it might lead. He is the perfect guy, I get butterflies, even now just thinking of him. We have recently been going through some rough patches and my instinct is to constantly make sure we are going to work whatever it is out. Sometimes I wonder if I am going to far with it. But in the end everything is ok. He has done some wrong to others and to me but I forgive him 2 seconds after he says sorry. I love him so so much. I hope we last till the end of time, I honestly feel I would be lost without him. He on the other hand still has this hard to get attitude, which of course attracts me even more his way. What I would give for him to act as I do. People say I am dumb and wasting my time, but either way I love this guy and in my eyes everything he does wrong is only a small setback on our way to the future. I am happy making him happy, even when Im not happy, if that makes any sense. I want him and only him forever. Im not out of my mind!! I am just madly in love!!!!!
To madmac, I am a 38 year old woman and am in a similar situation as you an your lady friend. My guy told me that he care a lot about me but I'm confused as in is he in anyway in love with me as I am with him. He and I have been in the state where we were hurt by our last marriage really bad. He saw me through it all but I don't know too much on his. I know it must of hurt him severely. I am too is still hurting really bad but trying to move on. My friend and I have know each other for some years. I like to say he may have feel the same way but then again our fears and hurts may have plagued us. I don't know where all this will lead to but I know what I feel. There is a 15 years gap between him and I. I wanted to be with him but he seem to put a wall up so I backed away but my heart ached for him. I don't want to cause the stir as you do with your lady friend so I kept a lot inside. I cried as I write this cause love does hurt. The first kiss he gave me that I knew that I have found that I found what I've been searching for. Good luck to you and your friend and may love find each other as it meant to be. Live and don't be afraid of getting hurt for love. Without the pains we wouldn't know what is our hearts are capable of or if it is alive. Live to love cause that is all that matter in life.
Great Hub! I've been with my partner just over a year now and at the start it was very difficult for me to open up and trust the process. However during the challenges of us being together we have stood beside each other, and good friends! In return, I am blossoming and learning to love. We are both reaping the benefits. My soul feels the joy and all the sharing and caring that comes with it! I'm in my 40's and just truly thankful that life finally offered me this experience. Love, Light & Joy to you all!
Hearing these stories is heart warming,especially knowing others out there have been hurt and can find love again.After a bad 2 year relationship i was in, had failed,my ex then went on to have relations with people i knew and turned a whole circle of people sour against both of us.After this,i went for 5 years doing drugs and being a loner,not shaving,not caring and sometimes not wanting to live.Letting no-one come near me.I went on to do crime and some very bad things.
After a year of cleaning up and getting my things together i wondered if i would ever meet a woman again
and have feelings like that again.I dated a few and they were nice but there was nothing there.I thought that good things come to those who wait and they do.I met
this girl after pulling over on the side of the road.I gave her my number and after a few weeks she msg'd me on Christmas day.Then we started slowly dating.
we both wanted to go slow but things just happen.I see
her every weekend and every time i see her it's like god has given me a gift.She knows my past,the bad things i have done,the drugs, everything.She respects that i came through it and who i am now.She has come through bi-polar,weight problems and mental issues and this makes me love her more.We have both been in very dark places,
and are always there for each other no matter what.
I still drink,smoke,eat meat,she does none of these.This
has no burden on anything.i keep my habits down around her and often eat and make vegetarian meals,its quite fun but challenging when we go out.We have a great time no matter what we do.She has diabetes and food allergies to eggs,seafood and nuts.I always have to be weary of this and know it's a life long thing,and she knows i'm there for her.She doesn't care if i eat meat,she used to herself,has to be the coolest chick ever!
She is in university doing bio medical science,i carry
furniture for a living.We are so different,but opposites
can attract i guess.I love her from the bottom of my heart and would do anything to protect her.If this isn't love that makes me grin from ear to ear when she txts me or phones me i don't know what is.Seeing her brings light to me,i didn't even know existed.She texts me every morning because she says she wakes up thinking about me.
Gorgeous.
Our relationship is still very young but there is a
connection,understanding,honesty and respect there that words cannot do justice for.
I tried my hardest not to fall for her,in case something
bad happened,i think we both did,but you can't help
who you love right?
To everyone out there,good luck and have a prosperous journey.The bond of love between two people can bend
the universe into a heart shape.
Thanks for taking the time to read. :)
Oh and she has this thing where when she speaks her R's come out as W's. "I had a weely weely good time tonight"
Adorable.
Really gOOD Articles ..
i'm in love too.... but i'm so confused.... also... i loved this guy soo much.... we got married.... and aruguments every other day...he cheated on me... and tell me it was 'cause we had so much arugments... we got divorce... i still loved him... i told him... but he won't respect my love at tht moment...& he says he loves me so much but. he thinks we can't have a good life together... now he married her...and i'm married with someone else...i thought i will forget everything and will move on, but its not happening... i like my husband so much...he is really nice... a guy who is perfect husband... he is always there for me... but still... i can't forgot about my ex... itz crazy ... 'cause i don't know wht is love anymore... Eventhough my ex... give me so much pain... and my husband is always there for me... i try to set my heart and mind so many times... but it won't happen..... i don't know... i love him so much...
i just don't know wht to do ? any suggestions?
I m 21 n i dont no wat it is...i hv known him 4 a long tim n we always liked each other as friends. He lives far away n we didnt hav any contact for abt 5 years. Den 2 years ago he cam at my place n we had a wondrful tim togethr. But after he left, i had a diffrnt feeling abt him. At first i thght it was jst infatuation and wld evntualy go away. But i ws wrng. I am afraid dat he wl reject me n our frndshp wl b ruined. But smtims i hv a feeln dat he liks me 2 but he z 2 shy 2 admit. What shld i do? If it were infatuation, would it last dat long? Plz reply smone .
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beutyfull statment with explinetation....thanku so much for the share.
I totally agree with whats being said about true love. I'm 16 & I feel my boyfriend is my true love. So I read this & noticed that everything about true love fits us. It is us. Not only are we lovers but we are also the best of friends. We have been for a month now & already we know so much about each other & we wanna spend the rest of our lives together.
We ask , what is true love ! well for me true love has no color ,has no shape or size ,its not age .... Unless your under age !!! But true love is when you see one another each day and still feel the first feeling that you had when you met. It's about patients and understanding ... Being there , not just saying ! hurting when they are hurting , loving without wanting anything in return.True love is all about one another not just yourself. Wanting to grow old with that person , and mostly just listen and hear ! instead of talking or interrupting !!! Just be , is all you need...... P.s. One most important thing is to remind yourself each and everyday how much you do love that person . Because bb I love you ...... To my Mac Attack , always Ti.xo
I have seen you a million times
And every time I see you
I fall in love with you all over again
My heart starts to race
My frown turns into a smile
And all my worries are now in my past
When you smile at me my heart melts
Your smile is like a new day
Your sense of humor is like no other
The ability you have to make me smile
Is all you need you love me
Your laugh is so soft and sweet
Just looking in your eyes
Makes me melt inside
You, yourself relive me from all pain
Your hands are as soft as a pillow
The way you comfort me is amazing
Every time we say good-bye
I start to cry
I say good-bye to you too many times
I said good-bye to you a million times.
Is this true love when one has this long lasting feeling?
LONGING
In distance
An image is seen
The wind carries sadness
Longing for hearing a whisper
A caress felt on the shoulders
One’s breath comes even in sleep
Longing for an arm to hold
To feel night is no longer cold
To think away thee does not yet go
Dream even during day time
See an eye behind the leaves
Wait for thee being back one night.
Hope to hear from you
i am a fourteen year old girl who is in love with a guy one year older an i would really like to know how to really know if he feels d same way
this were really great words.thank u for sharing,u wuold never know how help full u have been to me
Exposed
2/17/2011
Fear, unrest, an uncontrollable sensation of loss, dripping from my heart
slowly—to slow, an unyielding blend of despair and despondency
constantly reminding me what I thought was mine never was
Purging every memory I long for relief, a place of content—a place of peace
Tomorrow is a dream resting on the horizon of hope, finally free—free to be me
An expression of love indwelling the spirit of Life, I choose to release—
to just let go and let God, to be quiet and seek
An incarnation, individualized by my own free will, no longer afraid, finally still
—I soar to new heights that have been set and made
by the One who created the water to bathe, cleansing my soul so I can age
willingly and gracefully, fulfilling my destiny to be ripe in Spirit. . .
Truth be told, the hurt enfolds Life’s blessing—a complex necessity for growth
I embrace the sorrow, which captivates my being, feigning, creating a false reality
I finally see the truth I’ve been fleeing, accepting this knowledge, my heart decreeing:
No longer will you be clothed in the ignorance of deceit,
Nor a participant in the role of victimized defeat
Triumphant and reborn in loving grace there is no challenge you can’t face
Choosing to inhale the breath of Good—
bursting forth, reborn—removing the hood
Exposing my soul so bare and tender
The time has come for me to surrender
Thank you God for my eyes that now see
How can I show love my lady
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He says he lives in my head and I live in his soul.
Distance and circumstance keep us apart most of the time.
Our relationship breaks down all the walls, all the barriers. I say anything I want, need, feel. He is always receptive. I can read his body language like a full conversation, so I know and can meet his needs. We are really therapy for each other. It's sometimes long hard sessions, but mostly silent smiles and embraces. We are huge opposites, but are glued like opposing magnets. Above all freedom to do what we need or have to do is the most terrifying yet accepted gift. Those are the moments we are apart living our own lives. Those are some of the most loneliest moments. The body complains, the mind wonders, but the soul always maintains grace under fire. When I smile thinking about him, I actually feel as if my smile is his. I see his eyes, I feel the warmth. I have asked and questioned the theory of lust and addiction many many times. I have fought inner battle grounds on every level of my psychology. He is my mirror, I accept, because no matter what awakening occurs, I tell him always, "It only gets better" I believe this. Even if we leave this "US" on a physical level. I take him with me as a cure a knowledge and hope. It is not about memories, it is about NOW. He is the lightening that struck to the core. And the meaning of "only say the word" will never make more sense.
This hub is nice and it has rili made to think abt everytn dat av bin thru for the past four years...Av bin into two different relationships in the past two years,d first one betrayed me by sleeping with two of my closest friends and ended up getting one pregnant,i forgave him and moved on with my life and with time i fell in love with anoda guy,we started dating and i actually thought that he is the one that i will spend d rest of my life with.Then things changed,he started hitting me,stopped trusting me and found fault in everytin dat i did,i could nt take it anymore, i had to leave the relationship...A year has gone by after dese incidents and now am in love with anoda guy,we have been dating for three weeks bur i wont say it has been blissful cos it has nt,we av bin quarrelling alot,eida ne complains dat i call too much or I complain dat he is nt calling me regularly,or we dont see each other on a regular basis...I know it seems absurd bur am used to being the cynosure of ma boyfriends' eyes,am always craved for by them,i like being romanced,taken out, to cut the long story short i like feeling special cos dats ow av been raised to think abt relationships bur what i want to know is if am d one pushing them away from me with my wants and expectations.
You guys should check out this song called Friends by Brendalynn! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B000n4ZJTt4
Hey, Guys thanks for your advice i realy enjoy reading it
Emma! I am in practically the same situation now. OMG what did you do?!?!?!
Earth Angel Level 3 Commenter 4 years ago
This is a MOST beautiful Hub RFox!!
Thank you so much for sharing and setting the record straight is such an elegant fashion!! You are an amazing addition to HubPages!! I love reading what you write!!
Thank you gentle soul for this Hub of beauty and grace!!
Blessings to you and yours, Earth Angel!!